“SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE’S WEEKEND UPDATE WITH SETH MEYERS AND CECILY STRONG” JANUARY 18, 2014

WEEKEND UPDATE CO-ANCHOR SETH MEYERS – New Jersey Governor Chris Christie this week gave the State of the State address and called for the school day and school year in the state to be lengthened.  Said Christie “You come after me, I come after your kids.”

MEYERS – President Obama on Friday proposed a series of overhauls to government surveillance programs that change the way the NSA collects “phone-date.”  For example, they’d like to change back to collecting it secretly.

WEEKEND UPDATE CO-ANCHOR CECILY STRONG – Cybersecurity experts are saying that the Healthcare.gov website has a large number of flaws that make the data on it vulnerable to hackers.  Hey hackers, if you can figure that website out, it’s all yours.

STRONG – A Southwest Airlines flight this week that had no mechanical problems mistakenly landed at the wrong airport in Missouri.  Though it there really a right airport in Missouri?

STRONG – The Chuck E. Cheese restaurant chain was sold this week for nearly 1 billion dollars.  And now he insists on being called Charles E. Cheese.

STRONG – Police in New Mexico are saying that drug dealers in the area are trying to capitalize on the popularity of Breaking Bad by selling meth that is tinted blue.  Said buyers of the product, “You had us at ‘Meth.”

STRONG – A 77 year-old man in Florida allegedly attacked a customer in front of him in line at Walmart who tried to check out with more than 20 items in the express lane.  Incidentally, twenty items or less is Florida’s only law.

MEYERS – A New York man who was arrested for secretly recording himself having sex with three women, claims that the encounters were accidentally recorded by his doggie cam.  Even more shocking, this is his doggie cam.

MEYERS – Police in London say that a thief tried to steal the urn containing Sigmund Freud’s ashes.  He is being charged with robbery in the second penis.  I mean degree!

MEYERS – A man in Mexico was arrested for drunk driving after police pulled him over and the man’s pet parrot repeatedly said “He’s drunk.”  Mexico: where they take the parrot’s word for it.

STRONG – A man in Ireland was hospitalized after he fell off his mountain bike and his penis became erect for five weeks.  So I know what my boyfriend’s getting for Valentine’s Day…

STRONG – A woman in Ohio, who had lost her dog, got him back after she posted fliers offering a case of beer and a pack of cigarettes as a reward.  And that was incentive needed in the little town of Dirtbag, Ohio.